New year, new you?
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Last December, I wrote a report called Marriage and the Stable Society affirming the importance of marriage. Many things struck me doing this, but one in particular was the juxtaposition of writing about the tiny marriage rate amongst young adults in the UK, whilst having friends marrying incessantly.
It seemed two societies existed: one where just 2% of men in the UK are married by 25 (it was 62% in 1970), and one where I attended five weddings in 2024.
Nationally, marriages among young couples are nearly extinct. The marriage rate for men aged 20 to 24 has declined from 16.6% in 1972 to 0.4% in 2022; this is now lower than for men aged 65 and over. However, among my – mostly churchgoing – friends, the weddings are so frequent that a slight tedium is developing (this is but my sinful impatience, long may the weddings continue!).
I have started calling this ‘predictable distinctiveness’. Distinctiveness because marrying is a countercultural and biblical way of navigating relationships as young adults. Predictable because it is a leap young Christian couples often have the courage to make, emboldened by those around them.
I think it is beautiful. I will rapidly outline three reasons why.
First, being counterculturally Christian marks us out as ‘Christ’s ambassadors’ who stand for God’s kingdom (2 Corinthians 5:20). Peter, for instance, speaks of refining faith and glorifying God through enduring insult and mockery. Affirming Christian dating culture and marrying young often receives mockery, and, as well as refining our faith, we can spread the gospel doing this.
‘Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits.’ (1 Peter 2:12)
Second, doing so ‘predictably’ reinforces this whole-life witness and bolsters boldness among believers (1 Thessalonians 1:2–3; Titus 2:7–8), and it also allows us to have counsel in friends through challenges.
Third, marriage offers a window into loving each other as Jesus loved us. Talking about love is in no way countercultural, but to love as Jesus loved us – sacrificially to serve our flourishing (Matthew 26:39) – is. This is how we are called to mutually love one another in marriage (Ephesians 5:21–33).
So, at your next wedding, in your besuited belting of ‘In Christ Alone’ and as you doze during the speeches, may you be heartened by the ‘predictable distinctiveness’ that surrounds you.
Daniel Lilley
Daniel is a Senior Researcher with Civitas, an institute for the study of civil society. He authored the report Marriage and the Stable Society: The Continued Importance of Marriage which can be purchased in hard copy or downloaded as a free PDF from the Civitas website.